Thirty and Flirty and Thriving: I've Chosen Me.

Currently it is 10PM here in Saint Martin. It's less than 2 hours before I reach a new decade and, friends, when I tell you all.. I'm emotional, I am. When I truly reflect on my 20s, I've been through every emotion known in this world. If I could sum it up in one word though: Sensational (Future voice). Through all my sadness, laughter, confusion, and happiness, I HAD A BALL.

True, a time was had in my 20s, but, it was much more than that. During my twenties, I started traveling out the country, graduated college, moved away from my hometown, started my own business, got my own car and place, made amazing money for my age, and just really discover me, becoming a woman.

What a lot of people didn't know was how depressed I was at times. I've been laid off about 3 times in my twenties, I quit some good paying jobs to do whatever I want and still had the feeling of being lost, some friendships faded, had some health challenges, had a car accident and totaled my car, and so much more chaotic twenty year old things.

Through it all, I remained resilient.

When I turned 29 last year, I made it a priority to choose me. All my life, I always put everyone ahead of myself, I gave so much of my energy to everybody that I didn't have any for myself. Choosing myself actually was very hard at first. Saying 'no' felt harsh at times, but saying 'yes' when you don't want to, is worse. I had to understand that protecting my peace was way more important than disappointing others. I choose to love myself so much more than anybody ever could. Choosing yourself isn't a selfish act. We are the ONLY people that have to live with ourselves and the choices we make in this world, at the end of the day. So if something doesn't sit right with you, DON'T DO IT. I try not to live a 'tit for tat' life but listen, people disappoint us everyday and don't even give it a thought. Because they choose themselves in those moments, whether we feel like its selfish. At first, it can seem lonely, but the ones who truly love and pour into you stick around. Others, true colors show and you act accordingly.

I broke my foot in early July. I didn't know how hard it would be on me, not only physically, but mentally. I created a goal list before I went into my thirties then BOOM, 5th metatarsal broke with 3-6 months of full recovery. I didn't realize how little these months could change me. For one, I wish I appreciated the times I was able to walk on both feet. We don't realize how much we miss something until we are confronted with adversity. Unfortunately, I don't live around my family and I have very few friends here so I felt lonely and isolated at times. In those moments I had to learn to be patient, force myself to slow down at times, and be vulnerable. It's okay to accept and ask for help when needed. The most important thing I learned was to be optimistic, through it all there is a silver lining in almost every situation. Once you lose all hope, its hard to stay positive but you have to find it and keep it.

All in all, I'm glad for all the good and bad times in my twenties. It all balances out. Iron sharpens iron. All the things in my life, not only this decade, but my adolescence years shaped me into the woman I was always meant to be. I've grown to learn I'm not an easy person, and I don't try to be anymore. But those who stick around I'll always pour into them as much as they've did for me. I could lie and give myself all the credit for who I am today, but I have a great community of family and friends who mean everything to me.

So, as I enter into the new decade, I plan to embrace it all. To the young girl who had low self esteem at times, didn't think she was enough, cried over everything (still do, I'm a emotional being haha), I really hope she is proud of the woman she is today and who she is becoming because it took a lot to get to this point in my life. To being THIRTY & FLIRTY, & THRIVING. Cheers. xoxo